Think about the word “whom” and what it means. Are you sure it means anything that the word “who” doesn’t mean? You’re not sure, and that’s not your fault. Nobody really knows why they should say “whom”. What we know is that there’s this rule about how you’re just supposed to say it after prepositions; to whom, of whom, for whom. And the question is; What happens if you don’t? In what ways will you be misunderstood because you’ve actually communicated a meaning that you didn’t intend to if you say “who” instead of “whom”? And the answer is of course in zero ways. No one has ever been hanging off the side of a building like: “To who do I give my hand?” And then fell to their death because we just couldn’t figure it out. So then why do we have what appears to be this completely meaningless extra word?
And you’re just chewing on the rope and wetting yourself like: “…But where is the M!”
The answer is pretty obvious. It’s just a historical accident. The English language has been incredibly different over the years because it’s a totally unowned thing. Everybody uses it to say everything and all that using cranks it around into all kinds of different shapes. It changes as a whole by consensus, by practical accident, in the piecemeal carving of paths where customs are dropped; things like saying “thee” or “thou” for peasants and “you” and “your” for royalty. So why do those customs get dropped? They kind of fall off by themselves just in virtue of being in the way. People have things to do. If there’s an easier way for them to say it, then generally they’ll use it, because we’re like five stacks behind today and the guy has been breathing down my neck. Move it your majesty.
It’s not “Thy” majesty, because… wait… who cares?
So then why does this little “m” that doesn’t add anything to a word keep hanging around? And the answer is to get in the way. The word “whom” doesn’t signal anything besides a faggy little opportunity to push your spectacles up, clench your anus and be all: “Actually….” Think of all the times you’ve encountered the word in your life. When have you ever said or used it without imagining this moment around the corner? Nobody has ever added “whom” to something they were trying to express and then said: “There, now you know what I mean in my heart completely. It was off just a shade but now I’ve unlocked the magic.” We say it because some fag is going to come wagging their finger at us for not saying it, and that’s literally all it’s there for.
So then, that is the definition of the word. Like the difference between “you” and “thee”, it has no meaning in its own right. Instead the language is a holding place for a custom, the custom of saying shitty things to each other for no real reason but to gobble up a little morsel of superiority for ourselves. For that reason, I’d like to propose we eject this word from the English language. By doing so, we’ll make a little custom, which hopefully will atrophy itself and fall off over time. In this custom we’ll say things like: “Okay and it doesn’t matter who pairs up with who guys, just get together.” And then we’ll wait. If the fag with the proverbial red pen doesn’t come around the corner, good. But if they do, we’ll tell them to fuck themsleves, with as much or as little tact as the situation calls for. Looking at them like they have poop smeared on their face will probably do it most of the time, but please don’t hesitate to share this article or its ideas with the finger wagging person. We’ll make our language smoother because we’ll have dropped an ugly custom from our way of life, and that’s a change worth making.
Do we need this moment, really?
Princess Fantastic 